5 months!

Wow - I am really slacking at posting. I promise I will get better. I am starting to be in more of a routine, as is Angus, and I will be able to add a consistent time in for blogging.

Angus is 5 months old today! I can't believe how fast it's all going. In 1 month he'll be half a year, and that sounds crazy to me. I met a 7 month old the other day and he was just sitting on the floor, reaching into a toy box and playing with toys...amusing himself and leaning forward on his arms and rocking back and forth on his knees thinking about crawling. Angus has a ways to go before that happens, but he really only seems interested in rolling from his back to his tummy and lifting his head up and stretching his arms out.

It's so crazy to me how babies work. We get emails every month from babycenter.com about his development, and they're spot on. It will be fun when he can sit up without falling over. It will be insane when he crawls. It will be funny when he eats real food. We can't WAIT for all these so-called milestones, but there's also some part of us that will miss his baby-ness very much. Right now, we're the boss of him, but soon enough he's going to be telling us what he wants to do and where he wants to go and when. It will be so much fun, and so tiring. I'm sure that's when we'll say "remember when he was a baby and we could put him in his stroller and take him wherever we wanted to go? And make him do whatever we wanted to do?"

present day...

A lot has happened in 6, nearly 7 weeks. Not really in the grand scheme of things I suppose - but Angus is much more like a baby and much less like a newborn. He weighs about 10 pounds now, his eyebrows and eyelashes have grown, he smiles, he enjoys his play mat, he follows things he wants to look at, he has more hang time, he loves taking baths, he has a bedtime...etc, etc.

It's been truly amazing watching all this stuff happen, and the little changes in his personality and day to day life and habits. He really is how own little person, quirks and all.

He will be 2 months old in a couple of days and time has really flown. I am fully recovered from my c-section and I feel good. We're going to Canada soon to see my folks, so that will be interesting...baby's first airplane ride! Soon after we return from that, I will have to go back to work, which is MOST unfortunate. I am dreading it and wondering how I will make it work with the breastfeeding/pumping etc. I don't want to stress out about it too much yet but I can't help it. I really dread the thought of someone else looking after him...he needs SO much attention right now, he hardly naps and I can't imagine anyone but a mother doing this all day for him. I'm working on finding some appropriate caretakers for him, but I am procrastinating a bit because the last thing on earth I want to do is leave him. Tears come to my eyes when I think about it :(

surrealism

It feels so surreal to me that I am sitting here on a Sunday morning, living my normal life, watching tv and reading the paper like any weekend morning - but then I get up and think to myself that at any moment, I could start having contractions and then my weekends will never be the same again. It's a sort of scary thought - one that I don't think about too often. It's not that I'm "scared" to become a mother - it's just weird that suddenly one day I will be going about my normal routine, and that will then likely be the last time that I have that routine since EVERTYHING is on the verge of changing! I'm excited, scared and nervous. You never know when the moment will come that suddenly I will have to go to the hospital for 2+ days , and it won't be because I've broken something or hurt myself - it will be because I am bringing new life into the world. And then, when we get home, nothing will ever be the same again, because my life won't revolve around ME anymore - it will involve around a little tiny person that I am responsible for - that WE as a team are responsible for....a little half me/half husband person. It's funny how focused we've been on the birthing process, that when I think about what happens when we get home with this little thing, I draw blanks because I don't think we've really thought about that. I think those days are going to be joyous and ideally NOT full of pain and therefore we just can just go with the flow. We shall see!

Christmas in the US

I'm Canadian, and I usually spend Xmas with my mom and dad and brother, but this year marked the 2nd time ever that I was not able to be with them! Being that I'm due in 3 weeks, flying to a remote town in Saskatchewan that is over an hour away from a hospital is not a good idea. Plus, I think some airlines don't even let you fly when you're within 30 days of your due date. I can see a lot of people lying about that though. It's really nice to be here in NY though. We spent xmas eve with my husband's aunt in NJ, and it was a mere 2 hour drive, and then we went to Long Island to his parent's house. It was many more people than I am used to, but a really nice and festive time with a big family. There were 2 young kids there too - our nephew/godson AJ who is about 15 months, and his cousin who is near the same age. EVERYONE was like "go to dinner now when you still can" and dispensing all sort of random advice. It was funny to hear their opinions on certain things, like epidurals etc. But the dinner thing is good advice and we went out yesterday to see Milk, which was amazing, and tonight we're going to see the Nutcracker, which is one of my xmas presents from my husband. I've never seen it and I look forward to it! Tomorrow I'm hoping for another movie too!

stuffing

I am quite excited for Thanksgiving. 1) I get a few days off and 2) I like Thanksgiving dinner. This year however, people have warned me about eating the nice soft and juicy stuffing that is cooked in the bird. Apparently the inside never quite gets to the temperature it needs to in order to kill any weird stuff that might be lurking and it's not recommended for pregnant people to eat it. Thankfully my mother in law cooks some outside of the bird, but it's never as juicy! I look forward to eating everything else though. I am going to try hard to not eat fast and not be a pig, as the last thing I want is for someone to comment on how much I might eat! I don't get to go see my family for Christmas this year as I normally do, which will be upsetting - but I am trying not to think about it. I will really miss being with my folks and my brother and eating our traditional meal, but one can't fly 3 weeks before their due date! Thankfully I'll see them in late January.