catching up

I feel like I'm always so behind on blogging and that every time I blog I apologize for not doing it often enough. I hope that's a given. Anyway.....Angus is almost 8 months old and he's changed SO much! 1) He's crawling! 2) He has 5 teeth and a 6th arriving any day! He is SO much fun. It's just amazing to let him crawl and decide where he wants to go and what he wants to do. He has his own little mind and personality. It keeps us on our toes - it's a while new ballgame! Gone are the days of us putting him somewhere and having him stay there! He is constantly on the go. We're going to have to get in shape and do a lot of working out in order to keep up with him.

Otherwise - we're doing well - I'm still managing to exclusively breastfeed (he's eating baby food of course). I pump 3X a day at work and my supply has been pretty consistent and I haven't had to unfreeze any bags in a while.

Angus had his first night without me or Johnny last night. Johnny went to Toronto for the film festival and I had to be at a wedding in Vermont, so I dropped him off with the in-laws on Saturday morning. It was very lonely without the both of them and while I enjoyed the thought of sleeping in, and uninterrupted sleep, I was uncomfortable for some reason and I woke bright and early anyway. It was a quiet trip. Driving alone up and down to VT was nice and peaceful. Pre-baby, I spent a fair amount of time alone - walking in the city, or just vegging out. It was nice to have a little taste of that, but the niceness didn't make he miss the boys any less. Angus survived his stay and was happy to see me and seems unscathed! We did have to use a bunch of my frozen milk stash, and that is what's it's for. I still have a few bags left in the freezer, and I pumped a ton this weekend - probably about 6 bottles worth. I actually ran out of medela bottles to put the milk in, so I emptied out an unopened water bottle. It was so funny to see that bottle half full of milk - my milk that I made! I travelled with a big cooler and cooling supplies so that I could pump on the way. I pumped milk on the highway! I was really dreading leaving him with the in-laws, but I am glad it went well and I knew they would take great care of him, but of course I'm going to worry. I'm glad it's over!

SLEEP Part One

So...I've written here previously that Angus stopped his marathon sleeping sessions a couple of months back. He went from sleeping 10 hours straight, to waking up once, to waking up numerous times. Initially I would just feed him and put him back in his crib. Then I would just bring him to bed with me and let him nurse all he wanted. I would sleep on my side, he would sleep facing me with constant access to the boob. I guess it would be like sleeping on a buffet table! Needless to say, we weren't progressing well. I loved him sleeping next to me all snuggled up and cosy. My husband however, retreated to the couch at the height of this.

We also suffered from a few other problems. #1 - I did what I dubbed "boob to sleep" ie: I would breastfeed him to complete deep sleep and then transfer him to his crib. He would get 30 minutes on one boob, then a burp and a swaddle and singing of twinkle twinkle, then switch to the other boob until he pulled himself off and was in a deep slumber. This was a big problem since he never learned to put himself to sleep. The other issue I believe, is that we were still swaddling him - so it was hard for him to self-soothe using his hands should he so desire. And of course at this point, he should know how to do all those things, plus he no longer requires a nighttime feeding.

So - for some reason this week became sleep-training week!

To be continued....

5 months!

Wow - I am really slacking at posting. I promise I will get better. I am starting to be in more of a routine, as is Angus, and I will be able to add a consistent time in for blogging.

Angus is 5 months old today! I can't believe how fast it's all going. In 1 month he'll be half a year, and that sounds crazy to me. I met a 7 month old the other day and he was just sitting on the floor, reaching into a toy box and playing with toys...amusing himself and leaning forward on his arms and rocking back and forth on his knees thinking about crawling. Angus has a ways to go before that happens, but he really only seems interested in rolling from his back to his tummy and lifting his head up and stretching his arms out.

It's so crazy to me how babies work. We get emails every month from babycenter.com about his development, and they're spot on. It will be fun when he can sit up without falling over. It will be insane when he crawls. It will be funny when he eats real food. We can't WAIT for all these so-called milestones, but there's also some part of us that will miss his baby-ness very much. Right now, we're the boss of him, but soon enough he's going to be telling us what he wants to do and where he wants to go and when. It will be so much fun, and so tiring. I'm sure that's when we'll say "remember when he was a baby and we could put him in his stroller and take him wherever we wanted to go? And make him do whatever we wanted to do?"

time flies!

Time is flying by SO fast. The days fly by, and the weekends do the same. I am finding it hard to find time to blog, let alone do things like pay my bills or put stuff away! I get up with Angus at 5:30 or 6:30, and he eats and we snuggle until 8am, and then he's in the care of a babysitter or my husband while I get ready for work and then leave at 8:45. It's hard to leave him, especially since I don't get home until close to 7, and that's with leaving work 30 minutes early! I don't want to think about it too much or it will make me cry. When I get home, he gets his pj's on and I start feeding him. Halfway through his feeding he gets burped and swaddled, and then eat some more and is put to be usually around 8pm. I get about 2 hours in the morning and about 1.5 hours at night. 3.5 hours a day, 17.5 hours a week. That is awful when you think about it. Why should a babysitter get to spend more time than me with my son? Now I'm thinking about it too much. Oops. I really hope that some day I can be a stay-at-home mom, but in the meantime I need my job, and I need my health insurance, so I don't have the option of staying home. If the economy was better maybe I would have quit and then found another job down the line, but it's just not possible these days. It's hard every day, but I am getting used to it. I don't know if it will ever get "better", but as he gets older I think he'll be a little less needy and easier for sitters to deal with. Right now he needs 100% full-time attention, and I worry that a babysitter will get bored and frustrated and he will just cry and be upset and whoops...there goes my brain thinking the worst. He's 4.5 months old now and just so damn cute. I want the people that look after him to be the best that they can be and I really hope that's what they are being!

2 months +

Angus is now 2 months + 1 week + 2 days old! I just love him so much and never want to stop looking at him. Yesterday we went to visit our friends and their new baby, and we argued about who would get to carry him up to their place - we both want him! It's nice to love something this much. It's funny - all those things people say that you think are so dumb are true...such as "you'll be surprised at how much you can love something" and "enjoy it, because they grow up so fast" and "say goodbye to sleep"/sleep now while you can", "they change everyday", you're going to think your baby is the cutest"...and so on and so on....they are all right and they are all true! Every day we marvel at how adorable our son is and how he changes just about everyday.

We have a trip involving and airplane coming up, and I'm a little nervous about it. I don't think he's going to scream the whole time, as we're good at comforting him - mostly with the boob - or a swaddle, but I wonder if he's going to sleep. Our travel day is long and if he doesn't sleep - he's going to be SO cranky and that would suck. We're trying to figure out what to bring on the plane, and what to pack. I actually bought a bebe au lait - which I never thought I would - I'm not very modest these days, but it seems like a good idea for airports and planes - for nursing and maybe even for sleeping...maybe a germ shield too! Anyway - wish us luck :)

surrealism

It feels so surreal to me that I am sitting here on a Sunday morning, living my normal life, watching tv and reading the paper like any weekend morning - but then I get up and think to myself that at any moment, I could start having contractions and then my weekends will never be the same again. It's a sort of scary thought - one that I don't think about too often. It's not that I'm "scared" to become a mother - it's just weird that suddenly one day I will be going about my normal routine, and that will then likely be the last time that I have that routine since EVERTYHING is on the verge of changing! I'm excited, scared and nervous. You never know when the moment will come that suddenly I will have to go to the hospital for 2+ days , and it won't be because I've broken something or hurt myself - it will be because I am bringing new life into the world. And then, when we get home, nothing will ever be the same again, because my life won't revolve around ME anymore - it will involve around a little tiny person that I am responsible for - that WE as a team are responsible for....a little half me/half husband person. It's funny how focused we've been on the birthing process, that when I think about what happens when we get home with this little thing, I draw blanks because I don't think we've really thought about that. I think those days are going to be joyous and ideally NOT full of pain and therefore we just can just go with the flow. We shall see!

Patience

I think we're pretty much ready to have this kid! All supplies are in the house, and our brains are in parent mode. We've taken the classes, we've watched the videos, we've bought the stuff and we feel quite ready to go! I don't know what it feels like for my body to be ready, but the baby seems pretty cosy in there and is still kicking away and moving around and hasn't - to the best of my knowledge - "dropped" yet. Mucus plug is still intact and there haven't really been any signs that this will happen soon. So.....it's just a waiting game! The due date is 11 days away still, but that date is so vague that I don't really take it to heart. Apparently only 5% of babies are actually born on their due dates. First babies are usually late, but all my friends have been early, so who knows! I'm ready for this to happen though and I am exercising great patience.

anxious!

My due date is now a mere 18 days away and it could really happen at any time! I'm excited and nervous and generally I have an undercurrent of excitement, nervousness and anxiety running through me at all times. It's always in the back of my mind - the question of "Oh my....what is this pain - is this a contraction?" with every ache and pain. However, the baby hasn't dropped yet (I don't think), so I don't think it's happening any time soon. My bowels have become a little looser though (I know T.M.I), but I can blame that on eating Christmas food maybe. Our next doctor's appointment is on Wednesday and it's the big 37 week appointment that I have been waiting for. We will get to see it, and they will do a vaginal exam, so I will know if I'm dilated or anything. The non-stress test will happen again and that will tell me if I am having any contractions, which as of last week I was not. So....these days I really look forward to going to the doctor! We've been going to dinner and going on dates - 2 movies and the ballet (Nutcracker - magical) as to take advantage of the fact that I am in NYC and I don't have to work right now, so that is an added bonus. Fingers crossed! I'd like to make it to close to the due date. I want a 2009 baby - and I like the idea of Jan 20th...inauguration day! That would be cool.

Christmas in the US

I'm Canadian, and I usually spend Xmas with my mom and dad and brother, but this year marked the 2nd time ever that I was not able to be with them! Being that I'm due in 3 weeks, flying to a remote town in Saskatchewan that is over an hour away from a hospital is not a good idea. Plus, I think some airlines don't even let you fly when you're within 30 days of your due date. I can see a lot of people lying about that though. It's really nice to be here in NY though. We spent xmas eve with my husband's aunt in NJ, and it was a mere 2 hour drive, and then we went to Long Island to his parent's house. It was many more people than I am used to, but a really nice and festive time with a big family. There were 2 young kids there too - our nephew/godson AJ who is about 15 months, and his cousin who is near the same age. EVERYONE was like "go to dinner now when you still can" and dispensing all sort of random advice. It was funny to hear their opinions on certain things, like epidurals etc. But the dinner thing is good advice and we went out yesterday to see Milk, which was amazing, and tonight we're going to see the Nutcracker, which is one of my xmas presents from my husband. I've never seen it and I look forward to it! Tomorrow I'm hoping for another movie too!