anxious!

My due date is now a mere 18 days away and it could really happen at any time! I'm excited and nervous and generally I have an undercurrent of excitement, nervousness and anxiety running through me at all times. It's always in the back of my mind - the question of "Oh my....what is this pain - is this a contraction?" with every ache and pain. However, the baby hasn't dropped yet (I don't think), so I don't think it's happening any time soon. My bowels have become a little looser though (I know T.M.I), but I can blame that on eating Christmas food maybe. Our next doctor's appointment is on Wednesday and it's the big 37 week appointment that I have been waiting for. We will get to see it, and they will do a vaginal exam, so I will know if I'm dilated or anything. The non-stress test will happen again and that will tell me if I am having any contractions, which as of last week I was not. So....these days I really look forward to going to the doctor! We've been going to dinner and going on dates - 2 movies and the ballet (Nutcracker - magical) as to take advantage of the fact that I am in NYC and I don't have to work right now, so that is an added bonus. Fingers crossed! I'd like to make it to close to the due date. I want a 2009 baby - and I like the idea of Jan 20th...inauguration day! That would be cool.

a perfectly timed break

I feel VERY lucky that the company I work for allows us all the time off between Christmas and New Year's. It's been great in the past to travel home (see last post) but this time it's great because I can get some rest and go to movies and to dinner and take a lot of naps. I am starting to feel this weight that I am carrying around, and it's heavy - so it's a real treat to be able to be home and take naps and rest and do what I want! I can't believe this baby is going to come out soon. Still so surreal! I am starting to realize why people say things like "I can't wait to get this baby out of me" etc....I always felt like that is a mean thing to say and kind of harsh, and I still don't think I will ever say it, but I am slowly realizing why it's said. And I realize it at night when every night is more uncomfortable than the last, to the point that I have recently said that I hate sleeping. Naps are ok, but trying to be comfortable for 8+hours is impossible and kind of torturous! I can't wait to sleep on my back again. And I can't wait to meet the baby, but I still enjoy knowing that it's safe inside of me!

Christmas in the US

I'm Canadian, and I usually spend Xmas with my mom and dad and brother, but this year marked the 2nd time ever that I was not able to be with them! Being that I'm due in 3 weeks, flying to a remote town in Saskatchewan that is over an hour away from a hospital is not a good idea. Plus, I think some airlines don't even let you fly when you're within 30 days of your due date. I can see a lot of people lying about that though. It's really nice to be here in NY though. We spent xmas eve with my husband's aunt in NJ, and it was a mere 2 hour drive, and then we went to Long Island to his parent's house. It was many more people than I am used to, but a really nice and festive time with a big family. There were 2 young kids there too - our nephew/godson AJ who is about 15 months, and his cousin who is near the same age. EVERYONE was like "go to dinner now when you still can" and dispensing all sort of random advice. It was funny to hear their opinions on certain things, like epidurals etc. But the dinner thing is good advice and we went out yesterday to see Milk, which was amazing, and tonight we're going to see the Nutcracker, which is one of my xmas presents from my husband. I've never seen it and I look forward to it! Tomorrow I'm hoping for another movie too!

an early family change

On Monday, we had to take our other cat, Ravioli to the vet as he had been losing weight and coughing and generally not doing well. Sadly he was suffering from Lymphoma, an enlarged spleen, fluid in his lungs and a host of other stuff...he wasn't doing well at all, and the doctor said he wouldn't have much time left and would go further downhill fast, So....my husband made the tough decision to put him down, as there was no way to tell if he was comfortable or not and he would have just gone severly downhill and it would have been terribly sad to watch and worse for him. It was really sad, but I think he made the right decision. Cats are so hard to judge as they keep their feelings to themselves and when they start acting sick, they are often on their last legs. Ravioli had been with my husband for 10 years, so it was REALLY hard to say goodbye and still is. He was a real trooper about it and we will miss our beloved cat.

how did the classes go?

I really enjoyed our birth classes, and I think my husband did too. They were super informative. I was really worried about 2 days in a row of 7.5 hours each, and worried about being bored/falling asleep, etc, but there really wasn't a dull moment. We covered it all and watched movies of many births. I have a doctor's appointment on Monday and I now have a lot of questions for my doctors in relation to the kind of birth I would like to have.....natural. I've known this all along but the classes solidified a couple of things for me. Mainly, that I don't wish to have an epidural. It seems scary and I think the risks outweigh the benefits, so I really don't want one. I would like to ask our doctors about fetal monitoring, birthing positions, laboring positions, and many other topics that I wouldn't have know to ask had it not been for the classes! I just really hope I like the answers!

birth classes!!!

This is our birth class weekend! My husband is NOT looking forward to 2 intensive days taking up our weekend, but I am looking forward to getting them done! Everyone asks me if I'm ready to have this baby, and my answer lately has been "not until I get these classes taken!" I'm quite glad we'll be getting them over with and I hope we learn some good stuff!

ankles and feet

Yikes! My ankles are starting to swell! Slowly but surely I can see them getting bigger. About a week or so I started wearing my hubby's socks since they're all old and worn out and baggy, as when I wore mine, I got an elastic line that looked like I was cutting off my circulation. Whoops. I think it's going to be so weird when they get giant. I've seen pregnant friends ankles and they can look like elephantiasis! Oh, and my feet are starting to hurt after not much walking. I guess this is all related, plus the fact that they are carrying about 30 extra pounds at this point. Oh, and I took off my engagement ring earlier this week....the wedding ring doesn't have much room either. Let's just hope my shoes still fit me for a while longer. In this weather, I don't think wearing flip flips is an option.

sleep?

Every night it gets harder and harder to sleep, and that's kind of my only complaint! About 2 weeks ago it started getting uncomfortable. I just keep waking up many times, and when I wake up, I am wide awake - which makes it harder to get back to sleep. My back also gets a little sore and so does most of my body. I sleep with a tempurpedic pillow, which rules, and I have a pillow between my knees. I tried a pillow throne which was recommended by a friend, but I think I'm just so used to being on my side, that I'm paranoid about being on my back in any way - even propped up. Usually when I wake up, I try to drink water, since I know I always need it - BUT I stopped doing that since guess what - it makes me pee! So, not drinking water at night is helping a bit and allowing me to wake up less, but I think this is just the way it's going to be for the next few weeks! I don't mind so much since I only have 2.5 days left of work before our xmas break, and that means lots of naps. I don't seem to have a comfort problem when I nap for some reason!

new arrivals!

Yay! our stroller arrived - well, actually it's a car seat and frame. We got a Graco snug-ride in "Milan" design, which seems to be one of the most top rated car seats around. We'll get a real stroller too at some point, but since we're having a winter baby, I think this will be the cosiest initially.

Also in the house is the gorgeous bassinett my friends Dawn & Josh are lending us. Their adorable baby Trixie has recently moved into her crib, and we get to use this now. It's really stylish, and is the bassinet version of my dream crib!

love and pain

DAMN this baby kicks HARD! Last night I was actually in pain and kind of freaked out by the strong kicks and movement I was feeling. I was like WHAT is the baby DOING? It chilled out a big, but I guess it's just getting bigger and stronger and has less room to move, so I am feeling it more - but it was weird. Maybe it was something I ate? Other than the strong kicks at night, I am also having more sleeping issues. I sleep well for the first few hours, and then I wake up, thinking that I must have slept through the night, but I glance at the clock and it's only 2:30am....argh! Then I toss and turn more for another 6 hours....Pillow between the knees, pillow under the belly, pillow under my head, pillow over my head - I'll be VERY happy when I can sleep on my back again!

I also am starting to feel like I almost 35 weeks pregnant this week. Yesterday I was feeling some pain in my ligaments after only walking about 2 blocks, and every time I get up from a chair I feel 95 years old. Actually i feel kind of similar to before I lost a bunch weight a few years ago....a little icky and achey! I am not at the point yet where I am saying "I can't wait to get this baby out of me" like some pregnant people I've come across....and frankly I can't ever see myself saying that. It seems harsh and mean. I feel like this baby is currently in the safest place it can ever be - don't get me wrong, I don't want to keep it in here forever, but once it's out - I have to share it, and having it in here and feeling it move is a warm, fuzzy and loving feeling that I will be sad to be done with.

pS> I think the image i've included is totally fake...it seems to be a pretty famous internet image. I call bullshit.

slow down lady!

That is me speaking to myself! I am generally a fast walker. I'm one of those people who has to walk faster than the person in front of them. HOWEVER - it's time that I slow down. A) I waddle and B) my ligaments get sore if I go to fast. I keep starting off fast and having to remind myself that I am nearing 34 weeks of pregnancy and I must go slower! It's funny though. I am amused at myself often. I am usually running late to places, so at least now I have a good excuse - "hey! I'm pregnant!". Oh, and in the last 24 hours, three people have told me that I'm glowing. hmmmmm....am I?

Predictions

In the last week or so, people have started predicting the sex of our child. Mostly people I know, but today a total stranger! I was walking to the fruit stand to get my daily banana and this guy yelled out "it's going to be a boy". In typical NYC fashion, I had my headphones on and chose to ignore him. I also wasn't 100% sure he was talking to me! I had to go by him again to get to work, and he sort of stopped me and said "I think you're having a boy" and I said "I don't know!" and he repeated himself and I smiled and told him I would remember his prediction when the time came. A fellow I work with also predicted a boy and said "I'm never wrong". So......I wonder! They have a 50/50 chance, right? I REALLY like the name we have picked for a girl, so I am leaning towards that as a preference, but I'm trying to not have a preference because I don't want to be disappointed! Our boys name is good too, but since I was 12 when my brother was born, I feel like I saw a boy being raised so now I would like to get to watch a girl and buy cute dresses and frilly clothes, etc - but if it's a boy they have cute stuff too - just not as cute!

cats

We have two lovely cats. One named Ravioli, and the other named Slash (pictured). We've often wondered if they would start to sense my pregnancy and act weird, or if they would just start hating us. So far nothing has happened, but one of them is sick and it's stressing me out a bit. On Wednesday am, there was a big cat poop in my closet which I thought was one of them sensing the baby and acting out, but sadly I was wrong. Our big fat lovable cat Slash is sick. We were away from Wednesday night to Friday night and when we got home, there was puke and poop in many places, including our bed. I washed our bedding and the cleanup was fine, but since we had been away, we didn't know if he was eating or drinking or peeing or pooping or what. We took him to the vet on Saturday am, and they realized that he was horribly impacted with poop. They sedated him and took it out, and upon xraying, they had some other concerns. 1) Maybe he has asthma or 2) maybe he has a heart condition. Ugh. Anyway - after we brought him home I thought he would bounce right back and start eating and drinking as soon as the sedation wore off, but no dice. He drank a bit, but hasn't eaten. So...he's going back today for some fluids and discussion about the next step. I hope after he gets some fluids and maybe the vitamins etc that are included that he will bounce back. Fingers are crossed. It's crazy how upsetting it is, and it makes me even more concerned for baby's arrival. If I'm this concerned about a cat, what state will I be in when I have a sick baby? That's what my husband asked me, and I told him that doctor's know a LOT more about babies than cats....so....hopefully I will remember that some day!

PS> I'm 33 weeks!

PPS> We have the newborn care class tonight!

stuffing

I am quite excited for Thanksgiving. 1) I get a few days off and 2) I like Thanksgiving dinner. This year however, people have warned me about eating the nice soft and juicy stuffing that is cooked in the bird. Apparently the inside never quite gets to the temperature it needs to in order to kill any weird stuff that might be lurking and it's not recommended for pregnant people to eat it. Thankfully my mother in law cooks some outside of the bird, but it's never as juicy! I look forward to eating everything else though. I am going to try hard to not eat fast and not be a pig, as the last thing I want is for someone to comment on how much I might eat! I don't get to go see my family for Christmas this year as I normally do, which will be upsetting - but I am trying not to think about it. I will really miss being with my folks and my brother and eating our traditional meal, but one can't fly 3 weeks before their due date! Thankfully I'll see them in late January.

comfort level

My comfort level is going down, but really only at nighttime. I'm SO bored of sleeping on my side. I try to sleep on my left side, which they say is best, but I like my right side better. I've been sleeping with a pillow folded in half between my knees, but in the last week or so I will wake up and feel really uncomfortable - almost pain, but maybe not - in my hips. More like achy I guess. It's kind of hard to describe. Last night I put the pillow, unfolded between my calves and that was a little better, but I am not sure what to do to alleviate this feeling. I bought a snoogle a while back and I don't use it that often, but I might have to give it another try, or just get all the pillows in the house and experiment. I don't want to take up too much space though! My husband needs to sleep in there too! Otherwise, my daytime comfort level is ok. I wish I was still taking yoga though. I had NO aches or pains when I was doing that, so I might try one of my dvds or maybe will try to go to the class in my neighborhood this weekend. So, in short - things are ok. I'm getting WAY bigger too, and now getting kicked in the ribs! Doctor tomorrow! 

the continual protein battle

I am supposed to be eating 80-100 grams of protein a day, which I am finding pretty much impossible. I don't really eat much meat, which is really the problem with being a "flexitarian" as I have been coined. I'm REALLY going to try hard today though, and I started my day with a 2 egg, cheddar cheese and bacon sandwich on whole wheat. The problem is that I am trying to be healthy and not gain much more weight, and that my friends is NOT a healthy breakfast. I am going to buy a protein shake later which has about 30g of protein in it, but it's like drinking chalk. For dinner I will buy some soy, but I read somewhere that too much soy isn't good, so it's a catch 22 all the time. I need to research other sources of protein. I eat salmon once a week, and 4X a week I eat Fage yogurt, which has 17g of protein, I have pumpkin seeds often, and I suppose I could eat cottage cheese, but eh....what to do!

maternity/nursing bras

I am in a quandry. The other day I went to buy a new maternity bra, and I got a size larger than the one I previously had (which is a couple of sizes larger than normal) and it's just not comfortable. Mind you, it's the same as the one I have been wearing for the last while, just bigger. It has underwire, and that seems to be the culprit. Under my arms, it feels like it's almost pointing out, instead of curving in, and it's very annoying. My boobs are big enough that I feel like I need the support of underwire, but I am going to look into some other options. Plus, the pregtastic podcast I listen to had an older episode (#44 I think) with a lactaction consultant and she said that underwire is not good if you plan to breastfeed, at least as the birth gets closer. SO> I think I am going to look into some Medela bras, or ideally go to this place my friend Lisa told me about - The Upper Breast Side - what a name! It's apparently a mammary mecca to all things breast feeding. Unfortunately their hours (and their website) are lame, but hopefully I can get there soon!

(ps: the photo is of model Jerry Hall breastfeeding!)

busy bad blogger

Sorry that I've been a bad blogger lately. I guess I've been a bit busy! For example, last night I decided to torture myself a bit and go shopping for some key items. I really needed a new pair of maternity jeans, and a new maternity bra. So...I went to H&M, The Gap and Macy's. I got a little something at each place and didn't get home until 9:30 or so, and then went out for dinner with my hubby, which put me WAY past my bedtime! I can still manage to do this, but it's getting tougher. My feet get sore (but they're not swollen yet) and my body aches a bit and I get cranky. I definitely cherish my sleep and my rest, and as time passes I need to sit back a little more and chillax haha. I used to walk all over the place endlessly, but I tire easily and can't go as far as I used to. Hey - I'm 31 weeks - what are you gonna do!

CHARLEY HORSE!!!!!

I think I've had a pretty normal/typical pregnancy, but there's only a few things that seem to happen to a large number of pregnant people that I have fallen prey to. For example, early on I had a few skin tags in my armpits, which really sucked for shaving purposes. They have since gone away. I've also been really zitty. I normally have good skin, so this extra oil production was a bummer, but I have controlled it with toner and it seems to have mostly gone away. BY far though, the worst thing is the charley horses I seem to get at LEAST once a week. Usually while sleeping, or half-sleeping, I guess I move my leg the wrong way - and not always with a stretch. It's like a fire alarm in our home. I yell "CHARLEY HORSE" and bless him, my husband grabs for whichever leg I give him and he helps me work it out. Well, he does most of it and I just grab by toes and pull down for the stretch. He is the best and I wonder what the neighbors thing when they hear me yell once a week...well, I bet I know what they think - but they are wrong. Anyway - my brother said "you're dehydrated" and surely that would be the case if I wasn't pregnant, but this is a typical pregnancy thing and the worst one for me so far! I need to do more stretching of the calf muscles, because it's just WAY too jarring to wake up like this, and I need my beauty sleep!

30 weeks!!!!

I am 30 weeks now. I can't believe it. 10 weeks to go, which if you think about it, is not much time. It's 10 more weekends. 10 more episodes of Grey's Anatomy....10 or something is not that many PLUS, god forbid it could come early. Yikes! All this has made me think about all that we have left to do and get. We are borrowing a bassinet from a friend, which I will pick up soon, and we need our changing table thingy from Ikea, and we need a glider. Those are the three things, but for some reason they feel like big hurdles. Hmmm.....my birthing classes aren't for another month or so, which now suddenly feels like cutting it close! Wow. I need to chill out and take it day by day, but I think when it turns from "I've entered my 3rd trimester" to I've entered the third quarter of my pregnancy, it turns some sort of corner. Either way, other than having a nasty cold I've been feeling ok as long as I take it easy. If I go on long walks or exert myself too much I get very tired and my feet hurt. I've been sleeping well - probably because I've been sick, but hey - I'll take it!

cold and hot

Sorry for the lack of posting this week. I've been dragging a bit. My little brother is in town and I spent some time hanging out with him, and now I seem to have a cold. I am on day 2 of stuffiness, a mild sore throat, a little cought and extra tiredness. Yuck. I'm drinking an Odwalla "C Monster" and hopefully between all the fruit I plan on eating, and my continual water drinking, I can flush it out or something. TGIF too. I can sleep in this weekend and get some R&R! Oh, and the "hot" in the title? I think I am starting to be a lot hotter than everyone around me, but it's hard to tell as here in NYC it's been warmer than it should be. It's been in the mid-60's which I think is a little high for this time of year, so last night despite having all the windows in our room open I still only slept with a sheet. It was breezy too! And when I walk around outside, I am always the least bundled up person. I guess time will tell  - when it's super snowy and freezing outside and I am boiling, I will know that this is the pregnancy hots!

PS> tomorrow I will be 30 weeks = 7.5 months pregnant!

lovely day!

On Sunday I had a baby shower and man oh man was it lovely! We had friends and family over for more of an open house, and I can't believe everyone's generosity. We go SO many lovely gifts and I have SO many thank you cards to write :) I am getting more and more excited as the time progresses, and now we have so much lovely stuff to utilize! I am 29 weeks and feeling good. My brother is visiting and I took a vacation day yesterday to hang out with him and I was SO tired and sore after about 8 hours of walking around....I would have been able to do that no problem, but it was my feet and legs that got very sore. At least it was good exercise though!

prenatal yoga & exercise

My series of four prenatal yoga classes are over, and honestly - - I'm kind of sad! I quite enjoyed them. I would have signed up for the next round, but I would have had to miss the first 2 classes, and it would be a waste of $. I met a nice lady who is due a week before me, who goes to a class on Saturday mornings in my neighborhood here, so I might try to go to that, but it's at 9am - and that's EARLY!!! But I think it would be good for me to find some drop in classes to go to. I think the stretching was good for me. I was sweating the last class - she worked us HARD! I am a big fan of structured exercise. I am never good at doing videos or things at home, and much prefer a group environment. My belly is growing FAST and I am in turn, moving a lot slower, so I need to keep motivated in order not to just lay on the couch.

I passed the 2nd glucose test! yay me!

Good news! I "passed" the 3-hour glucose test! YAY! I thought that would be the case. The day before the first test, I had a LOT of sugar. Someone sent us delicious cupcakes and word got out that I was an icing fiend, so I had my cupcake + the icing from 2 other cupcakes. It wasn't until after I ingested all this sugar that I said to myself "whoops - I have the glucose test tomorrow"! So I am not surprised with the results of the first one. I am happy, but I still need to watch my sugar intake, and this is a HORRIBLE week to do that with Halloween and all. Plus, we're having people over for a baby shower/open house this weekend and there will be plenty of tasty treats to eat! Anyway - I must remember to eat healthy. Also, I am at 2 week doctor's appointments now. Whoa....getting closer! I'm 28 weeks and officially in my 3rd trimester. Time flies!

37

I am going to be 37 tomorrow. Whoa! 3 years from 40. No biggie really. I have to do math to remember how old I am most of the time. I think I stopped paying attention as soon as I turned 21. I remember telling my husband I wanted to be pregnant before I was 38, so we succeeded in that front, and now if we have another one, maybe by the time I'm 40! Generally I feel good. I think I eat relatively healthily, and take good care of myself. I could use more exercise, but that will come. I'm hoping to work really hard after the baby is born and do a lot of walking and exercising and I think I will be determined to get the weight off - at least I hope so! Either way, this will be a special birthday - my last one before we turn into a real "nuclear" family!

chivalry is dead

If you'd ever like to assure being totally ignored on the subway, I highly advise getting pregnant. It's really funny how rude and awful people get. Since I am a nice person, I will always give up my seat for an old person, someone with a cane or crutches or someone pregnant. Apparently I am in the minority. Only 3 people have ever gotten up for me. I don't totally mind standing, since it's usually only for 2 stops until most people get off and I can sit - and my route home is at the beginning of the line, so there is always a seat for me. I think when I am feeling worse I will try harder to get a seat...like glare a little and flaunt my belly. But seriously.....people are rude!

glucose test results

I failed the glucose test! My results came back "high". Bummer, but apparently a lot of people fail this one and have to do the extended one. I just made my appointment for 8am on Thursday (Argh!!!) and for that one I have to fast as of midnight the night before, then get my blood taken, and then drink the drink, then have it taken after the 1st, 2nd and 3rd hours. I guess I'm not totally upset about this, as I don't think I have it. I eat pretty healthy, I don't eat too many carbs as it is, and I have been working hard on getting more protein into my diet. I think if you get diagnosed with gestational diabetes, you then are sort of on the atkins diet...low carb, low sugar, high protein. It would be good for me to have some structure - but I would rather not have it. My blood test also came back with the news that I am slightly anemic. I am RELIEVED to hear that, as it explains why I am tired all the time. Before I was pregnant I was taking an iron supplement, and I stopped when I became pregnant. Now I am on it again and hopefully in a couple of days I'll have some good energy!

glucola

Today I had a doctor's visit, and it was the dreaded glucose test! This involved me being asked to drink a orange drink - I think it's called "Glucola" - and then wait an hour and have blood taken to test for gestational diabetes. Here is the official wording according to the American Pregnancy Association: The test evaluates how your body processes sugar. A high level in your blood may indicate that your body is not processing sugar effectively (positive test). If the results of this screen are positive, the woman may have the Glucose Tolerance Test performed. It is important to note that not all women who test positive for the Glucose Challenge Screening test are found to have diabetes upon further diagnosis.

I wasn't sure what to expect from this drink, and it really wasn't bad at all. It was just like flat orange soda. It went down the hatch and then I saw the doctor for my normal checkup. This was Dr.Brown - the 4th in my practice, and the only one I had yet to meet. She was quite lovely and informative and friendly. She felt around and we listened to the heartbeat and everything seemed normal! I go back in 2 weeks for the Rogam shot (because I have B- blood type, and my husband is B+) and another checkup. I don't know if I am going in 2 weeks just for the shot, or if this is when the more frequent appointment starts. I didn't ask. Anyway - all is well in babyland!

on a lighter note.....finally a craving!

I have wanted hot chocolate every day! I guess it started a couple of weeks ago when it actually was fall in NYC for a minute, and sadly I work about 1 block away from Jacques Torres - which is noted for some of the BEST hot chocolate in the city. It is literally a cup of melted chocolate, very thick and very delicious. I don't know how I'm not going to have it today! Although, it's probably not TOO bad for me, considering I'm not that much of a milk drinker...maybe it's some of the only dairy I get! How's that for justification? I made it last night for my husband with cocoa powder, sugar and milk...I had some caramel salted hot chocolate from starbucks, which I hesitated getting because of the high calories....dare I even try to find out how many calories are in the Jacques Torres version? I know I am not supposed to be on a diet, but I think it's smart to at least be aware of HOW much of a pig I am being! Anyway - this seems like something weird that I always want, so I am officially calling it a pregnancy craving!

anger management

I have found myself to be super angry and grumpy lately. It's not all the time, it's just that something can VERY easily set me off. I am not sure if it's hormones, or some sort of pregnancy depression. I am going to ask my doctor about it on thursday and hopefully she will be helpful, but it's really angering me..haha. It's probably not easy on my husband either - in fact, he surely sees the worst of it. There are times/days he really needs to tiptoe around me and I feel bad for him. Anything can start me crying and curling up into a ball and sobbing myself to sleep. That's happened a handful of times, but when it does, it really really sucks. I start being mad at whatever has set me off, and then I tear up, and then I just feel sorry for myself - and feeling kind of alone. It's times like this that make me feel like a kid, and I literally want my mommy. My parents being SO far away is usually a big source of my tears and even typing this is making me feel verklempt.

I hope to remedy these grumps by altering the things that are making me sad. My on and off hatred for New York has been ON and at a maximum, so I am going to alter my route home to avoid the crowds on Bedford avenue, and instead have a quiet, leisurley walk home. I am going to take it slower and take more deep breaths and realize that I don't need to be first off the subway. I am going to go to bed earlier and wake up earlier, and that will make me less tired and less rushed in the morning. I am going to work with headphones on more often to avoid the annoyance of some coworkers, and I am just generally going to try to relax. Maybe I'll even consider another relaxing activity such as more prenatal yoga or swimming. My husband will be away for much of this week and hopefully when he returns I'll have chilled out and become more of a positive person. I don't like feeling the anger, as I don't want it to influence or impact the baby. I don't want it to come out sad and depressed! Serenity now!!!!!!

sleep & yoga

I have been SOOO SOO SOO SO tired since about Saturday. It's really bumming me out, and I'm not sure yet if it's because I'm pregnant or if it's because I'm coming down with something. Traditionally I do get sick in October, and historically it's started with mega-sleepiness for days beforehand. So....I'm actually hoping it's a cold, because it would really suck to be THIS tired for the rest of my pregnancy. I've been trying to go to bed earlier, and in fact on Sunday I slept until noon, but today I felt ok until about 5pm when I started feeling groggy. I'm going to up my fruit and see if that might help, but I really hope this is just some sort of passing "phase", but only time will tell!

Despite my exhaustion, I forced myself to go to the first of four prenatal yoga classes that I signed up for (and pre-paid for) on Tuesday night. It was a good class and I enjoyed it, and even suffered from some muscle soreness in my legs yesterday! There were about 20 people in the class, and they ranged from 9 weeks to 26 weeks pregnant, with more of them in the middle - like 15-18 weeks pregnant. I felt good in it, and I think my experience with many of the poses from Bikram yoga helped me out, but I learned to focus from Bikram and not worry too much about when people around me were doing, plus I was in the front row and there no mirrors - so I guess I could have been the worst in the class, but who knows - and who cares! It's better than sitting on the couch and watching TV, which is EXACTLY what I would have been doing!

some news items of note!

-The New York Times via an Australian study reports on use of Acetaminophen in baby's first year of life may raise risks of asthma, excema, and allergic runny nose

-The Wall Street Journal talks about swaddling blankets

-The New York Times reports on findings that having a fan in the baby's room can decrease SIDS deaths

-A UK website writes about strange and funny baby products on the market

weight......wait!

It's kinda weird when suddenly you are told that you can't be on a diet anymore, and since I was on one (weight watchers( for like 5 years, it was like woo hoo! PARTY TIME! But now that I have creeped up to near my pre-weight watchers weight loss number, I am getting a little freaked. I know I'm pregnant and I am supposed to gain weight, and I think I am actually doing well, but I feel like I've really taken advantage and eaten much too much sugar. I just had a cup of hot chocolate from Jacques Torres, which is literally a cup of thick and delicious melted chocolate. Sadly it's way to close to my office. Anyway - after I finish my oatmeal tomorrow, which I already put some brown sugar on - that's it - no more added sugar or sugary things. I think it's best that way. I am best at cold-turkey. I can't just "reduce my intake" of things that I love....like sugar. I think generally though I've been eating pretty healthily, being conscious about protein thanks to my mom, and trying to eat salads and some balanced meals. I also used to eat a lot of frozen meals, and now I rarely do. SO....Thank GOD my yoga starts tomorrow, because I could really use a dose of the feeling that one gets after doing something good for their body!

the hospital tour!

We went for our hospital tour the other night....interesting stuff I thought. First of all, these tours are pretty frequent, like a couple of times a week - maybe more. Even so, there were 72 or so people on the tour! All couples, of all different pregnancy ranges. Some people weren't even showing, and some people looked like they were ready to pop. A very diverse group! The super nice lady, who also is the head of education/classes took us on the tour and we started in a boardroom where she gave us handouts and explained the different options in terms of rooms - private room, birthing center (all private rooms), and normal double occupancy rooms. She was SO thorough and nice, as was the info she gave us.

We then headed upstairs to the 11th floor I think for a tour of these rooms. The normal labor and delivery rooms are all single occupancy and not bad. They even have tubs in them for laboring, just not as big as the ones in the birthing center. You do your thing in this room and then 1 hour later, they move you to whatever room you have requested (maybe). You can sign up for a private room, and if there is one available and you're next on the list, you get it - except you also have to be willing to pay $750.00 right then and there on your credit card. Those rooms were ok, still a little grungy, but nice. You get special meals, and your husband/partner can stay the night, which is not the option in the double rooms. The double rooms aren't bad - but I guess it would really depend most on who was your neighbor and how annoying they were. The tour lady told us that she is still friends, 35 years later, with the woman she shared a room with!

The birthing center was cool, it smelled good and it was peaceful and quiet. I would LOVE to be in there, but unfortunately my doctors don't deliver there anymore. Apparently they used to, but because they have to commit to be there the whole time, labour included I guess, it's not possible since they work in shifts. ie: there are four doctors in the practise and one of them is always at the hospital. The lady said they were "liberal" - so hopefully that means they won't force drugs and epidurals on me. Anyway - I am happy to give birth there and I hope it will be good and that I won't go into labour on New Year's Eve, because if that's the case I will have to take the subway - crossttown traffic on that night would be INSANE!!!!!

24 weeks!!!!!

I am SO happy to be 24 weeks. I hear that at this point, if something weird were to happen (ie: premature labour), that babies born this early have a very good chance of surviving. I really hope that doesn't happen, but it's nice to know that I've entered some sort of safe time zone. In fact, I met a baby that was born 3 months early and he seems perfectly normal and happy and growing well! I am still feeling fine, but if I don't get enough sleep, I feel SO tired and zombie-like. Like last night....I got to bed much later than usual due to dinner with a friend in town, and woke up a bunch in the middle of the night, which is really nothing new, but today I am SO tired. My legs are also really sore from some walking up a few flights of stairs (went to the horse races (won $124.00!) which ended up being a lot of up and down to different viewing levels) I did on Saturday, which was no big deal, but I guess I am really out of shape! I think we're doing our maternity tour tomorrow night, and my prenatal yoga classes start next week!

zits and classes

I have a million zits on my face. They have been coming and going for months, I guess about 6! Normally I have pretty good skin, but it's been SO oily and these zits are killing me. They're not even normal, they're more like red spots that I can't even squeeze. Major bummer. I guess I should be lucky that I have been blessed with good skin, and if this is a price to pay for having a baby, I'll gladly pay! Speaking of paying, I signed up for birthing classes today. I'm doing them at Real Birth, which comes highly recommended by many. My husband and I will be taking "Comprehensive Childbirth", which is like school, but it's on the weekend. 2 days, 7.5 hours each day. Ouch! Then I will take breastfeeding alone, which is a mere 3 hour class, and then I will take newborn care alone, which is also a mere three hours. My husband doesn't seem to be interested in this one, so I guess he knows all about the basics of diapering, soothing techniques for a crying baby, establishing normal sleep, bathing and dressing, how to take a temperature, choosing a pediatrician and when to call them, what's normal in newborns, postpartum family adjustment and what helps. I sure as hell don't, and while I'm sure some of it will be self-explanatory, but from what my friends that have gone tell me, it's very useful, so I am looking forward to it and I am glad to give up a mere three hours to learn these things.

We've finally decided on a crib. It's the one in the image to the left, and it's an Amy Coe crib from Babies R Us. I really like that it has a drawer....although I can tell you that our bedding won't be pink! I am psyched to have this crossed of the list - although we still need to order and get it! We've also decided on the stroller situation but not yet the stroller itself. We're going to get a stroller frame that a car seat sits on, and then after it's born, get a proper stroller. Being that it's going to be born in the freezing cold winter of January, the visits outside will be somewhat limited initially, and we can use the frame or a carrier! Decisions are being made and it makes me feel good - a little more relaxed. Now I just need to get the ball rolling on our hospital tour and birthing center tour and birthing classes! I kind of want to take hypnobirthing too - which is not as weird as it sounds. I've only heard amazing things about it, and I HATE hospitals, and I have problems relaxing, so this sounds like exactly what I need!

general update

I am almost 6 months pregnant! Holy crap. I don't know why, but that feels SO far along....I guess because it is! It's funny though. I am 23 weeks, and 20 weeks is the halfway mark, and that doesn't seem as far as 6 months...anyway. I am still feeling good and feeling more kicking also! I don't think I am showing as much as I could be, and I can't decide if that is a good thing or a weird thing. I am not yet at the point where I am obviously pregnant, unless you already know - but strangers don't seem to be aware. I am wearing maternity pants full-time, which is lovely. My husband is jealous of them and their stretching abilities! I am working with my friends to sort out plans for a baby shower, and I have started registering! We had a doctor's appt last week and she listened to the heartbeat and said that it's strong and that it sounds good, and confirmed that all our test results (anatomy scan, spina bifida etc) are fine....so...things seem to be progressing well and I am happy!

names

We are not finding out the sex of our child until it is born, so we have to have a boy name and a girl name decided on. We are 100% decided on the girl's name, and have been for ages, maybe even before we got pregnant, but this boy's name is eluding us. We have it whittled down though, and our fridge list only has a few names left on it. I am hoping for a name that is somewhat original, that not 4 other boys in the class will have...so no Spencer, Tyler, etc. ...actually I like those names, but my husband denied them...for good reason though. He crossed off my Sam and my Max, but we're left with a few good ones and I think we'll have a decision made soon. It's funny. Parts of the baby process have reminded me of the wedding process. When I was planning our wedding, once we had a date and a location, I was able to relax and not worry for a while. This feels similar. Once we have names and a crib and stroller picked out I feel like I will chill out a lot!

cribs and strollers

Johnny and I went on another baby products excursion on Saturday. We went to mini jake, Giggle and Schneiders. We are researching cribs and strollers and I hope to have these decided on soon! The cribs are making me crazy. I like a pricey Oeuf one, the "Sparrow" - and I like this Amy Coe one from Babies R Us, which is mid-range and then there is the basic Ikea "Gulliver" crib for 99$. That is a TON of price range, and then you still have to spend 200-300 for a crib mattress, which is really where you need the quality! Argh!!! I am sort of going nutty trying to decide, and I think we need to go to Ikea and check their cribs out. Are they good enough? Are they sturdy enough? Do we have enough Ikea in our home (yes). I think we will decide between the Amy Coe and the Ikea and be done with it. The Oeuf is a nice designy piece, but I'd rather get something a little less pricey.

PS> The crib pictured is my "dream" crib, but it's also a ridiculous $2500!!! Forget about it! I could by a car for that.

It seems like murphy's law, that as soon as I post something saying the baby is kicking a TON, that the kicking slows down. It figures! After a couple of days of plentiful kicks, the kicking is now very sporadic and not happening too often. I'm not worried since everything I've read says that I have a few weeks to go before it SHOULD be more consistent, plus I know that my placenta is on the front, so there is a big cushion between the kicking and feeling the kicks. I am convinced that it's just not facing out and that's why I'm not feeling it. Either way, we have the doctor on Wednesday, so I will ask her opinion on when it should be more consistent.

In other news, I somehow twisted my back the other night and I stand and walk crooked. I was in SO much pain yesterday that I didn't leave the house and I just napped and tried to remain comfortable. Now I have a bad back, but this was some of the worst pain I've been in in a very long time. It feels a bit better today, and better once I walk for a bit. I had a hunch that I should have at least goen for a walk yesterday, but I didn't. That probably would have made things feel a whole lot better. Here's to hoping it goes away soon!
PS> I'm 22 weeks....5.5 months!

kicky mckick's-a-lot

The baby is officially kicking. My husband even felt it the other night. It feels SO strange....but it's so nice to finally have my own kind of knowledge that there is a living, growing being in there! It's strange...I felt it in Chicago, then not for a couple of days, then I felt it a lot one day , and then not for another 24 hours, and today I am feeling it a lot. I read that it gets more consistent as it grows and there are even patterns to be felt after about 24 weeks! neat-o! I was on the subway yesterday and felt a massive kick that it actually made me jump! Yesterday I barely felt it at all, so that was a pleasant surprise. I've renamed it "Kicky".

On another note, we're going to have another baby store adventure this weekend. A couple of weeks ago we went to Babies-R-Us and Buy Buy Baby. This weekend we're going to go to The Stork Store, Schneiders, and Mini Jake. My goal for this month is to have a glider purchased and also a new rug for our living room...oh and to have appointments made for our hospital tour and the "intro to the birthing center" class so I can see if it's a place I want to be! I think setting goals like this is key in the coming months. I also want to decide which crib to get and which stroller/car seat to purchase too, but I don't know if I need to do those things this month. We shall see!

health and eating

I find that on weekends, I sort of take a holiday from eating 100% healthy. Not everything is thrown out the window, and maybe this weekend was particularly sugary, but if I don't go out, I eat at home, and I don't have any fish here and I haven't been in a salady mood. In fact, I've been just wanting sugar. I made cookies tonight to surprise my husband and maybe to satiate my love for raw cookie dough a bit too. I am POSITIVE that I haven't gotten enough protein this weekend, so I know that tomorrow I am going to get a salad with salmon on top....and later in the week I'll get my salmon teriyaki. I just feel like weekends are lazy time! I also meant to do my prenatal yoga each day, and guess what - I didn't. Ugh. I don't think exercising at home is meant for me. I think I will research a class that I can go to - maybe even pay in advance! ha! I will do that this week. Actually, I know there is a weekend class near my house, so I will aim to try that on Saturday! Maybe if I set this goal now, it will be more likely to become reality. I just keep hearing that giving birth is like running a marathon - the amount of energy it takes and god knows I can't run a marathon now - or ever!

friday links and news

I added a couple of links to the link section, cool mom picks and pregtastic. I want to say something about Pregtastic though...this is the BEST podcast ever. Seriously. I listen to my ipod every morning on my way to work, and normally it's music, but since I discovered this show, I downloaded all of them and listen religiously. It's usually 2-5 ladies in the San Diego area, all of which are pregnant (except the host, but she has 2 kids) and they discuss their "ups and downs" and there is a weekly topic. There are often knowledgeable guests, like Dr. Sears and the woman who invented hypnobirthing...Anyway - I gush, but I have learned a LOT from this show and I have found it so unbelievable helpful and I never tire of it! HIGHLY recommended.

Oh, and here are three news stories I found interesting...
-Questions remain about BPA safety

-Mom's reactions to baby's first cry post-birth different vs. C-sections and vaginal births

-toddler vaccinations set record

what a week!

Phew!!! What a week. I went to Chicago for work - no problems there, fine time, great town, and then I came back and it was labor day weekend! That meant a quick 2 night trip to Long Island to see the in-laws and my sister and brother in law and my godson, and it was a busy weekend! Thank god I had Monday off, and yesterday was my 20 week anatomy scan! YAYAYAY! That took place at the hospital I will deliver at, St.Lukes-Roosevelt in Manhattan which provided us with a great opportunity to get our bearings, as thankfully I have never been to a hospital in NYC. It seemed like a nice clean place, and I really only saw the fetal maternity ward or whatever you call it, and not the actual maternity ward. For that I need to schedule a tour (note to self: schedule tour!

Anyway - we filled out a piece of paper, waited in the waiting room (bring a magazine or book if you're going, there were NONE there), and then went into a room with a nice gal who was the ultrasound technician. I pulled my pants and undies to just below my pubic bone and off they went! It was about 25-30 minutes and she looked at pretty much all aspects of the growing baby...the head, arms, legs, feet, hands, heart, spine, you name it! She spent a lot of time on the heart, which I guess because it's important to watch it work and make sure things are working well. We told her we didn't want to know the sex, and she said "ok, I'll let you know when I get to that area and you can look away", but she didn't - or didn't tell us to look away and we were none the wiser, which makes me think it's a girl - because maybe there's nothing to see - at least nothing resembling a penis! Ha! After she was done, she gave us 3 photos and then a doctor came in and reviewed everything super fast and said everything was fine and that they would send results to my doctor. And that was that! Painless and supposedly normal! I'll call the doc on Friday to check in about the results anyway.

PS> I'm 20 weeks!

baby moving?

Sorry - this will be short but sweet since I am going to Chicago in the AM for work...I have to pack and go to bed. So...AM i feeling the baby move? Sometimes I feel some flutters, sometimes I don't. I was told that since my placenta is attached to the front, that it might take me a little longer to feel it, but I thought I did, but then it became lighter. I dunno! Time will tell! We have our 20 week anatomy scan on 9/2, which will be super exciting and maybe the baby will move and I will see it AND feel it move! I'm off to Chicago for a quick trip tomorrow....wish me luck and sleep!

protein

I'm on a protein kick...well, I should have been all along. Truthfully, since I got pregnant I have been trying harder to eat more healthily and be more conscious of what I ingest, BUT I haven't been eating enough protein. My mother has been concerned about that for a while and mentioned it a couple of times, but I assured her I was fine. The other day however, I looked up exactly HOW much protein a pregnant woman is supposed to be eating, and it's 75g per day. That's sort of a lot, and I realized that I probably rarely hit that. So...I'm keeping track, and upping my protein. I just finished a protein shake, which has 30g of protein in it, and yesterday for lunch I had some salmon, which has 45g of protein in it (that's what the photo is...not of my lunch, but of salmon) - Oh, and I found a yogurt with a whopping 17g of protein in it! I hope this manages to make me feel healthier and maybe even less tired! On another note, my ligaments are hurting a bit, which in my mind is good, since it probably means that my belly is getting bigger and soon I will look officially pregnant and not just fat! I have been feeling ok, still need to go to bed earlier, and getting used to sleeping on my side, but I really miss sleeping on my back. Oh, and I'm 19 weeks now!