Tuesday, 14 October 2008

anger management

I have found myself to be super angry and grumpy lately. It's not all the time, it's just that something can VERY easily set me off. I am not sure if it's hormones, or some sort of pregnancy depression. I am going to ask my doctor about it on thursday and hopefully she will be helpful, but it's really angering me..haha. It's probably not easy on my husband either - in fact, he surely sees the worst of it. There are times/days he really needs to tiptoe around me and I feel bad for him. Anything can start me crying and curling up into a ball and sobbing myself to sleep. That's happened a handful of times, but when it does, it really really sucks. I start being mad at whatever has set me off, and then I tear up, and then I just feel sorry for myself - and feeling kind of alone. It's times like this that make me feel like a kid, and I literally want my mommy. My parents being SO far away is usually a big source of my tears and even typing this is making me feel verklempt.

I hope to remedy these grumps by altering the things that are making me sad. My on and off hatred for New York has been ON and at a maximum, so I am going to alter my route home to avoid the crowds on Bedford avenue, and instead have a quiet, leisurley walk home. I am going to take it slower and take more deep breaths and realize that I don't need to be first off the subway. I am going to go to bed earlier and wake up earlier, and that will make me less tired and less rushed in the morning. I am going to work with headphones on more often to avoid the annoyance of some coworkers, and I am just generally going to try to relax. Maybe I'll even consider another relaxing activity such as more prenatal yoga or swimming. My husband will be away for much of this week and hopefully when he returns I'll have chilled out and become more of a positive person. I don't like feeling the anger, as I don't want it to influence or impact the baby. I don't want it to come out sad and depressed! Serenity now!!!!!!

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