catch up

Wow- it's been months. Sometimes I write stuff on the subway, but then it sits and languishes in my notepad on my iPhone. I am determined to post this one today -8/14.

Angus is amazing. He's almost 19 months and he talks up a storm- as long as there are no strangers around. It takes him a while to warm up. He'll be starting nursery school in a few weeks, just 2 days a week, but I am so excited for him to have the socialization. It's going to be so weird to drop him off and say goodbye those mornings. Our little baby is growing up. We just got him a play kitchen and he loves it, spending quite a bit of time playing with all the play fruit and veggies and saying "make" as he puts stuff in one of the plastic pots it came with. Although yesterday he tried to cook his blocks on the real stove, which he tried to do a couple of weeks ago and was the impetus for the purchase. I had to remind him that he had his own stove to use.

He is still nursing at night and in the morning, and on weekends it seems like all the time. He doesn't seem interested in stopping, and I don't see much reason to force him. I only wish the bedtime feeding was smoother. He nurses a bit and them gets up and runs around and comes back and on and on and on. The other night I was sitting in the chair in his room and he ran at me from the other end of the room and he lost his footing and slammed into the chair, and there was blood. It's these kinds of things that happen during the bedtime process and I'm not sure how to make it less painful (ha!) for both of us. I am going to try to get to a La Leche League meeting this week to talk about it. I'm really excited- I've never been before! Ok- more soon I hope. I need to find the email address that allows me to post right to the blog by sending an email. I set it up, but then lost it. Oops!

whoops!

Oh man. Where have I been? My last post was 10/18 - over 3 months ago! It's been a little busy to say the least. I work in the music business and one of my bands debuted with a #1 record last week, so I'll blame that.

Angus is 1 year old now! As of just a few days ago, and his birthday party is tomorrow. He is eating whatever we give him - not really jarred stuff anymore, but mostly whatever we eat, along with extra veggies and whatnot. He is WALKING! Just in the last few days his few steps turned into full walking, and he is using that a little more than crawling. In otherwords, time has gone by SO fast.

I've been a bad blogger. I plan on writing blogs on my phone and sending it to post via email. I think that is easier to do during my travels, than finding time to sit in front of the computer and get something up. Evenings are spent putting Angus to sleep, answering work emails, eating dinner and going to bed. If i'm lucky, a little TV. Weekends are all Angus all the time - except now, as he is napping. Oh, and I am still breastfeeding! I only pump 2X a day at work and not at all at home. He is drinking about 5-6oz per day when I am at work. He sleeps from about 8pm-4:30am, then has some milk and sleeps until ideally 7 or so. Not bad, huh? Things have progressed nicely albeit with a few hiccups along the way, especially in the sleep department. OK. Hopefully I will be able to post more often!

catching up

I feel like I'm always so behind on blogging and that every time I blog I apologize for not doing it often enough. I hope that's a given. Anyway.....Angus is almost 8 months old and he's changed SO much! 1) He's crawling! 2) He has 5 teeth and a 6th arriving any day! He is SO much fun. It's just amazing to let him crawl and decide where he wants to go and what he wants to do. He has his own little mind and personality. It keeps us on our toes - it's a while new ballgame! Gone are the days of us putting him somewhere and having him stay there! He is constantly on the go. We're going to have to get in shape and do a lot of working out in order to keep up with him.

Otherwise - we're doing well - I'm still managing to exclusively breastfeed (he's eating baby food of course). I pump 3X a day at work and my supply has been pretty consistent and I haven't had to unfreeze any bags in a while.

Angus had his first night without me or Johnny last night. Johnny went to Toronto for the film festival and I had to be at a wedding in Vermont, so I dropped him off with the in-laws on Saturday morning. It was very lonely without the both of them and while I enjoyed the thought of sleeping in, and uninterrupted sleep, I was uncomfortable for some reason and I woke bright and early anyway. It was a quiet trip. Driving alone up and down to VT was nice and peaceful. Pre-baby, I spent a fair amount of time alone - walking in the city, or just vegging out. It was nice to have a little taste of that, but the niceness didn't make he miss the boys any less. Angus survived his stay and was happy to see me and seems unscathed! We did have to use a bunch of my frozen milk stash, and that is what's it's for. I still have a few bags left in the freezer, and I pumped a ton this weekend - probably about 6 bottles worth. I actually ran out of medela bottles to put the milk in, so I emptied out an unopened water bottle. It was so funny to see that bottle half full of milk - my milk that I made! I travelled with a big cooler and cooling supplies so that I could pump on the way. I pumped milk on the highway! I was really dreading leaving him with the in-laws, but I am glad it went well and I knew they would take great care of him, but of course I'm going to worry. I'm glad it's over!

SLEEP Part One

So...I've written here previously that Angus stopped his marathon sleeping sessions a couple of months back. He went from sleeping 10 hours straight, to waking up once, to waking up numerous times. Initially I would just feed him and put him back in his crib. Then I would just bring him to bed with me and let him nurse all he wanted. I would sleep on my side, he would sleep facing me with constant access to the boob. I guess it would be like sleeping on a buffet table! Needless to say, we weren't progressing well. I loved him sleeping next to me all snuggled up and cosy. My husband however, retreated to the couch at the height of this.

We also suffered from a few other problems. #1 - I did what I dubbed "boob to sleep" ie: I would breastfeed him to complete deep sleep and then transfer him to his crib. He would get 30 minutes on one boob, then a burp and a swaddle and singing of twinkle twinkle, then switch to the other boob until he pulled himself off and was in a deep slumber. This was a big problem since he never learned to put himself to sleep. The other issue I believe, is that we were still swaddling him - so it was hard for him to self-soothe using his hands should he so desire. And of course at this point, he should know how to do all those things, plus he no longer requires a nighttime feeding.

So - for some reason this week became sleep-training week!

To be continued....

Breastfeeding on Sesame Street

How amazing is this! We've reverted in acceptance of public breastfeeding for some reason. I don't think this would EVER get on Sesame Street today! Weird, right? Anyway - I should have posted this last week, as it was World Breastfeeding Week, so a little late - but in honor of that, here's an amazing video from Sesame Street in 1977.

There are some things I have that I really couldn't live without that I thought I would share...ok - I could live without them, but they sure are making my life easier right now!

1) Pumpin' pal super shields
These things are so great because they allow you to lean back and relax while pumping and not worry about the milk going into the bottle. Very smart idea

2) La Leche League pull-over sleep bra
I've already worn one of these out, and I just bought 2 more. They are cheap, comfy and easy to nurse with and comfy to sleep in with just enough support.

3) pumping bra
Being hands-free allows to me to do things like write this blog (which I am doingnow while pumping), eat, read magazines etc). This particular version works well for me, although it looks insane.

4) More Milk Special Blend
This tincture has really helped me with my milk production. It tastes horrible, but it works. They have different blends for different women's needs and I am a believer.

5) My Brest friend
I originally thought this thing was dumb, but then a lactation consultant showed me how to use it, and I rarely nurse without it. It keeps Angus supported and it keeps me sane. My husband calls it my lunch tray.

efficiency

I've been doing a TON of research on pumping and Angus's eating. Thing is, the kid normally takes about an hour to eat. I think that's too long - I mean some babies take that long, and I don't really mind, but I think if he becomes a more efficient eater, I will become a more efficient pumper. What I am now doing, is going back to the method of switching sides. I stopped doing that a while ago when I thought he was having a foremilk/hindmilk imbalance (which he wasn't) and kept doing that. Now I am switching and it's helped a bit. It's only been a couple of days, but I think he's down to 40/45 minutes. I think it's helping me make more milk too. It makes sense, right? I had a day or 2 of soreness, so something is working! I've also learned that I need to do breast impressions, which had indeed helped. I've also been taking fenugreek, but I've now switched to something called more milk plus. Yuck. It tastes like medicine. Either way, I have noticed an improvement aready. I'm still now where I'd like to be in terms of output, but 2 letdowns is actually a good thing! I'm also setting an alarm and getting up to pump, which is what I am doing now at 3am - yikes! Sadly this is really affecting my mornings. I am feeling SO much more tired. I hope my body gets used to it. I'm fine when I get to work, but when Angus wakes up at 5:30 or 6:30 I feel like quite a zombie! Here's to adjusting!

back at work :(

I am back at work now - day three. It seems like 4 months just flew by. My emotional state is ok during the day, but when I get home I get super sad. It really sucks that if I'm lucky I get 3 hours a day with him, and much of that time is spend by him nursing. I am trying to arrange leaving work 30 minutes early so I can leave at 6, which will help us stick to getting him to bed at 8pm.

I am pumping during the day and that REALLY stinks. I'm just not getting much out of the pump. Day 2 was better than day 1, ie: more milk, but it's still not enough....plus I need to pump 4 times a day, 5 would be awesome - and for a 20 minute session each time + set up, it's nearly 2 hours out of my day. I feel guilty about that - which I need to get over. It's just a lot of time when I am trying to catch up on work and get up to speed. I really hope I get more mik soon. I bought fenugreek drops and mother's milk tea, so hopefully I will see a result from that. Thing is, I only have 2 letdowns during a 20 minute session...and my son normally breastfeeds for an hour! I feel like I might need to call a lactation consultant to try to gt him to eat more efficiently before I will pump more efficiently, but who knows. Either way, I'm trying not to stress about it since that would cause me to make even less milk! Any tips?

back to work soon

I go back to work soon...after Memorial Day. I'm pretty bummed about it, but there is no avoiding it. I already scored an extra month off, so I feel lucky that I've had 4 months. Although in Canada, they get a year. In fact in many other countries they get a ton more time. Our system is son antiquated. Oh well. I have been pumping to try to get a stockpile of milk in the freezer, and every couple of days I can freeze some. Only every couple of days because I keep using it! Whenever I go out with him for an extended period of time, I bring along milk "just to be safe", and he usually wants it. I feel like I might need to check in with a lactaction consultant soon. He still takes about an hour to eat, and it seems like he wants to eat every 2 hours or so....sometimes 3, and I'm talking about the beginning of one feeding to the beginning of the next, so sometimes that's only an hour in between. Hmmm. I hope I'm not having a milk issue. I don't think I am since when I pump early am, I can often get 3-4 oz from the one breast that he didn't feed on. I wish it was more though. I'm a little nervous about what will happen when I am back at work and I hope I can get enough with pumping. I'd like to ideally pump what he needs the next day if not more. I am going to do my best to enjoy the next 9 days since I can't imagine how sad I'm going to be when it's over. I know I have his whole lifetime ahead of me, but he's just so tiny!

3 months old!

Angus is now 3 months old...well, 3.5 months actually, and damn....this kid grows like a weed! I swear his head got bigger overnight, and it literally did. There's a spot behind his ears where I can see that skin has stretched and old skin has peeled to make room for growing skin underneath. So crazy. In the last couple of weeks he has discovered his new favorite toy (his feet) and he is figuring out his laugh a little more. He's been laughing for a few weeks, but it's getting easier to make him do it, and he has less occurrences of the hiccups, which would always happen after a good chuckle. He seems to be eating less - well, more time in-between feedings, and he's only pooping once or twice a day now. He also slept for 10 hours straight last night! I am a lucky gal. It's Mother's Day today and my wish was that my husband take care of his usual 2nd wakeup - the one around 6am, but this morning he slept right through his first wakeup usually around 4am and went straight through to 6:30 or so! Johnny took care of that one, and I got up to pump anyway, and went back to bed for a couple of luxurious hours.

I go back to work in a couple of weeks and I am working hard on being ok with it. I think it will be hard for the first few weeks and get easier after a while, but then I bet it will be harder again. If he was 2 it would be ok, because then he would be in daycare and I would feel better about his days without me. In the meantime I have a few lovely ladies that will look after him when Johnny is at work and ideally it will all be hunky-dory. For now though, I will enjoy these last couple of weeks of quality time with my adorable little man.

i'm back!

I'm back from vacation and have many things to say - so look forward to some more frequent posting!

We just got back from our first big trip with baby. We flew to my parent's farm in Saskatchewan. If involved a flight from NYC to Toronto, then Toronto to Regina and then a 1 hour drive. I am pleased to say that Angus was a champ! We even had delays in NYC on the way out there and I was nervous that he was going to go ballistic out of boredom of something, but everything was fine! My husband had him in our sling much of the time and he seemed really happy and comfortable there, and slept a bunch! I bought a Bebe Au Lait for the flight/airport, and I'm glad I did as it made nursing in public much easier. I frankly don't care anymore who sees my boobs, but it took me a while to realize that it's not about me - it's about other people's comfort. I don't really want to be stared at or given weird looks either though. Anyway - that was nice to use, as we waited until everyone got off the flights before we did, and I was sitting and everyone else was standing and it would have been weird. I brought some pumped milk to use for takeoff and landing too (ears popping) and that was useful too. He didn't get cranky until the very end of the last flight. Otherwise, he was a total champ!

My folks live on a lovely agricultural farm, and it's some of the most gorgeous scenery and freshest air around. I am happy that we were able to go there and let them all spend some time with us and their grandson! He also got to meet my brother - his Uncle for the first time! I enjoyed watching my family interact with him, and it was funny too. My mom and dad probably haven't touched a baby since my brother was one, and that was 26 years ago - so they are a little rusty, but loving and sweet. All in all it was a great time and a nice break for my husband and I!

present day...

A lot has happened in 6, nearly 7 weeks. Not really in the grand scheme of things I suppose - but Angus is much more like a baby and much less like a newborn. He weighs about 10 pounds now, his eyebrows and eyelashes have grown, he smiles, he enjoys his play mat, he follows things he wants to look at, he has more hang time, he loves taking baths, he has a bedtime...etc, etc.

It's been truly amazing watching all this stuff happen, and the little changes in his personality and day to day life and habits. He really is how own little person, quirks and all.

He will be 2 months old in a couple of days and time has really flown. I am fully recovered from my c-section and I feel good. We're going to Canada soon to see my folks, so that will be interesting...baby's first airplane ride! Soon after we return from that, I will have to go back to work, which is MOST unfortunate. I am dreading it and wondering how I will make it work with the breastfeeding/pumping etc. I don't want to stress out about it too much yet but I can't help it. I really dread the thought of someone else looking after him...he needs SO much attention right now, he hardly naps and I can't imagine anyone but a mother doing this all day for him. I'm working on finding some appropriate caretakers for him, but I am procrastinating a bit because the last thing on earth I want to do is leave him. Tears come to my eyes when I think about it :(

the first couple of weeks

I need to try to catch up to present day, but I feel like I have some holes to fill here! So.....I will talk about the first couple of weeks. They were pretty hard, and starting to become blurry. This must be one of the benefits of having a child...making you forget the difficult parts so you want to have more!

I was so bloated and my feet were giant when I got home. I also had stretch marks! None of those things happened while I was pregnant. The bloating and swelling was from the fluids they pumped into me, and I went down fast. After just a few days I had lost much of the water and thankfully the water weight! The c-section didn't make life very easy. I had a hard time getting up and my husband had to get everything for me. It was slow going for me. Thankfully my parents came to visit and they were a great help. Every day I felt a little bit better and became a little more mobile though. I tried to get outside for walks, but the weather didn't cooperate much and we had most of our coldest days right when I got home and needed to be outside!

I definitely didn't realize how time consuming a lot of things would be. Someone told me "newborns sleep a lot" and they failed to also use the phrase "some newborns"...MY newborn never sleeps! Well, he sleeps now, but initially he didn't sleep at all. Not even in the hospital after he was born. He was too worried about getting food to be concerned with sleep. Once we got home, he barely slept...I mean a few hours here and there, and gradually it got better, but anytime we got him to be asleep after a feeding, he would wake up as soon as we transferred him to his bassinet. I *think* he slept better at night, and for the first 2 weeks we were home so did I. Since we were supplementing with formula, my husband could get up and do one of the feedings and I could stay asleep - luxury!

Although that was nice, I had a LOT of anxiety about formula. I am a big breastfeeding advocate, and it broke my heart to have to give him formula..at least we used the organic stuff. The supplementing started in the hospital because he got a fever due to dehydration, so we had to keep doing it for a while, and then wean him off. That stuff is like baby crack. After he had the formula he would sleep SO deeply. I guess because it's higher in fat than breastmilk, so it takes less time to go through him, whereas especially in the early days of milk, I was producing skim and it went through him FAST. Anyway - I was very worried about how we would wean him off, and we started to just give him less and less, but then one day we just gave him none. It had been long enough that my milk was satisfying him more and he didn't seem to miss it or really notice.

Angus liked to eat ALL the time...I literally mean 18-20 out of the 24 hours in a day this kid would be on the boob as I like to say. It was VERY draining and I think I assumed he would eat, we would put him down and then he would sleep for a few hours. No dice. He would eat, sleep for a short time, wake up, eat, poop, etc. And in the middle of this he would be swaddled and unswaddled numerous times. Inevitably, once he was perfectly swaddled, he would take a giant poop and we would have to do that again. It was tricky...but it got and continues to get much better.

I got a good breastfeeding book, and it said that after about 40 days, things improve and you and your child figure each other out. That timeline was spot on. I've got many of his habits figured out and those first few weeks were nutty and sleep deprived and stressful....on top of my hormones working themselves out - many tears were shed - tears of joy and tears of stress. I haven't cried in a couple of weeks now though and it's been 7 weeks!

after the delivery....

After the delivery, I was wheeled into a recovery area where we re-met up with our doula Shana. Angus was brought in briefly, and we put him to the breast and he latched on right away - which was awesome. Unfortunately, a really bitchy intern came and told us we had to let Angus to get all his tests and everything done. We tried to get her to delay for 10-15 minutes so we could bond and he could continue to nurse, but she wasn't having it and - well - she was a TOTAL BITCH. No way to treat a new mom. Anyway, I sent Johnny with him to the nursery, and eventually I was wheeled to my room. I wasn't going to be able to get up for a couple of days...I had a catheter, IV's with pain medication and fluids, and these weird things on my calves which were like electric boots. They vibrated on and off and I guess since the medication takes a while to wear off, and during that time I can't feel anything fro the waist down, they massage me to avoid DVT.

Eventually Johnny and Angus showed up and we nursed some more and tried to sleep a bit. Things were fine, but eventually night came and Johnny had to leave, which was sad. Angus was very fussy all night (he roomed with me) and I had problems getting him to latch again. He hadn't really slept, and he was only getting colostrum and it was an all night battle. What really sucked was that he was in a bassinet next to my bed, but I couldn't physically take him out of it or out him in it because of my limited mobility, so I had to keep buzzing the nurses to do it. Also, the lady next to me had a vaginal birth and was clearly disturbed by Angus' crying and my inability to stop it - which stressed me out.

Over the next couple of days the nursing got a bit better, but he was still a little fussy and continually on the boob. My catheter and my leg machines were removed, and I was up and walking...albeit uncomfortably. Eventually Angus developed a fever, so they had to give him some formula as they assumed he was dehydrated - which he was. I felt really bad about it - but I guess it was just because my milk hadn't arrived. Looking back, I would have benefited greatly from having a lactation consultant come see me - which my husband suggested, but I didn't. The nurses all give you different opinions on breastfeeding, and there are no lactation consultants on staff. We also have conflicting blood types, which caused elevated billirubin levels (which is what causes jaundice) and that may have contributed to the fever too. The fever went down quickly after the formula was given, so after breastfeedings it was recommended that I continue to "top him off" with the formula.

So....I gave birth on a Tuesday and went home on Friday. My parents had arrived in town the night before so they were there to help, which was wonderful. We left St.Luke's Roosevelt and were left to our own devices to start our journey as parents

maternity/nursing bras

I am in a quandry. The other day I went to buy a new maternity bra, and I got a size larger than the one I previously had (which is a couple of sizes larger than normal) and it's just not comfortable. Mind you, it's the same as the one I have been wearing for the last while, just bigger. It has underwire, and that seems to be the culprit. Under my arms, it feels like it's almost pointing out, instead of curving in, and it's very annoying. My boobs are big enough that I feel like I need the support of underwire, but I am going to look into some other options. Plus, the pregtastic podcast I listen to had an older episode (#44 I think) with a lactaction consultant and she said that underwire is not good if you plan to breastfeed, at least as the birth gets closer. SO> I think I am going to look into some Medela bras, or ideally go to this place my friend Lisa told me about - The Upper Breast Side - what a name! It's apparently a mammary mecca to all things breast feeding. Unfortunately their hours (and their website) are lame, but hopefully I can get there soon!

(ps: the photo is of model Jerry Hall breastfeeding!)